If you look online or in the dictionary for the difference between a village, a city and a town, you’ll get a rather sterile description.  I personally think the real difference is in the spirit and emotion they evoke.

I love cities!  I’ve been in many awesome ones.  San Francisco, London, New York, Rio de Janeiro, New Orleans, Kuala Lumpur, Bangalore, Guadalajara, Dublin, to name some I love.

The spirit of a city is grandeur and motion.  It’s a place where great, important things happen.

Emotionally cities are exciting, beautiful, vibrant, alive day and night.  Full of people you don’t know, colorful.  Demanding, competitive.  Excitement in the air, people are focused, purposeful, energized, moving fast.

I lived in Philadelphia for a good long while and it always seemed to be more town than city.  New York to the north and Washington, DC to the south are more cosmopolitan, sophisticated, as cities should be.  Philadelphia, with its old cobblestone streets, its colorful 250 year-old colonial townhouses, its gorgeous green squares and parks, is a town made for endless walking and looking.

Whereas people walk fast in the city, in a village you will stroll and even saunter.

Just the word village conjures up emotions for me.  While cities get my adrenaline running, something deep inside of me relaxes when I’m in a village.

Villages are friendly and welcoming, safe and happy.  Villages are charming.

I have 3 I particularly love.

Adare, Ireland is one of my favorite places on earth.  Its thatched roof cottages and elegant manor with 76 fireplaces (best place in the world for afternoon tea) transport me to another world, another time.   The beautiful actress Grace Kelly and I agreed (although never discussed) the best hotel in Ireland is the Dunraven Arms, built in the 1700’s, a place today where patrons come down for a big Irish breakfast dressed in their red fox hunting clothes.

I lived in Sunol, California for 4 years and still visit.  It’s a fabulous quirky village with only 750 people. Downtown has a Whistle Stop Antique Store and Little Brown Church.  We had bed races where people put wheels on beds and raced them down Main Street, with someone dressed in a way to make you laugh riding in the bed.  We had pet parades that included llamas, tarantulas, peacocks, horses, and the usual cats and dogs.  I lived next-door to a very large and intelligent pig.  Sunol made international headlines when they elected a dog, Labrador Retriever, named Bosco for mayor.  His slogan was, “I chase cars, not women” and he openly accepted bribes.  I adore Sunol.

It takes me about 5 minutes now to drive down to the village at the bottom of the hill where I live.  Every Sunday there’s a farmers’ market.  I know every farmer who grows my food.  We discuss the week’s crops and they tell me their struggles, their victories and little stories about the grapefruit, artichokes, peas, peaches and collard greens.  The farmer who grows the most amazing Meyer lemons in the world proudly tells me what time he picked them the day before.   What I bring home always feels like it was grown with love and each meal I make has special meaning.

I love them all, cities, towns and villages. They are humanity’s expression of the desire to live with others, to make a life in community.  Whether exciting or charming, they each have their own soul.

Wishing you a home and travels in places that charm your soul and make you feel whole.

Love,

Ingrid

 

 

35 years ago I made a friend for life, a deep, close personal friendship that nourished my soul, helped me grow, gave me endless support.  Bonnie is a spirit like no other.  I’ve talked to her every week since we met.  She is one of the very few people I lean on.  She signed all her cards and emails to me YFGM for Your Fairy Godmother.  And she was.

She passed away last night.  Here are 10 things I learned from her:

1. I never knew I wanted a Jewish mother, but they’re the best thing in the world
2. When you talk to a really good friend, it is true that your joys are doubled and your sorrows cut in half
3. A good man always has good manners
4. A hummingbird has beauty, strength, transcendency and so should I
5. Nothing is so bad you can’t start laughing about it
6. Don’t ever sell myself short and don’t hang out with anyone who does
7. Be true to myself and the rest will follow
8. Helping others is an endless source of joy and friendship
9. Telling someone who really understands cures everything
10. Life has everything – love, loss, good friends, people who are pains in the neck, joy, sorrow, injustice, exhilaration, blow out wins – live big and experience all of it

There’s so much to say about Bonnie, but I’ve cried enough for one morning and I can’t write about her without weeping.  She has helped more people and has more friends than anyone I know and I know they feel the same way I do.

Truly hers was a life well lived.

To Bonnie – All my love!  Until we meet again.

Love,

Ingrid

 

On a morning run earlier this week I stopped to talk to one of my neighbors.  She was upset by a conversation she just had with another neighbor about a remodel going on next-door.  That conversation ended badly and stayed with her, ruining her mood.

I listened and as she talked, she felt better.  After a while she was laughing about it and then we were both laughing.  She looked MUCH happier by the time I ran off.

Yesterday she emailed me that she said Hello to the other neighbor who then came over to talk to her.  She got to tell that neighbor things she didn’t know and the neighbor sincerely apologized.  She felt soooooo much better.

She thanked me for listening and said talking to me was “healing.”

It got me thinking how vital these healing conversations are in our lives.

There’s a woman named Anita who lives in the village down the hill from where I live.  I run into her all the time at the farmer’s market and we get into some long conversations.  She’s one of the easiest people in the world to talk to that I’ve ever met.  When she asks me how I’m doing, I find myself telling her everything.  She tells me everything.  I met her during a time of my life that had great pain.  Every conversation I had with her, I felt restored.  When her husband and profound soulmate died, I was there for her and she looked brighter and happier after each conversation.

The word heal means restore to soundness, to make whole again.

Soundness means firm, solid and strong, based in truth.

The word heal is older than written language and even originally meant to make whole.

I’m an extremely happy person living a very happy life.  But even the best day for the best of us can have challenges, misunderstandings, injustices, anxieties and small wounds.

I live a pretty adventurous life, take many risks, meet many people, extend myself into unknown territories.  I live a pretty rough and tumble existence.  I’m good at getting up after a fall, brushing myself off and getting back in the saddle.

I generally ignore the bruises until I find myself talking to someone and notice I suddenly feel a whole lot better than I did.

I’ve noticed there are certain people that, after I talk with them, I feel more whole, more sound, I’m filled with greater well-being.  I feel restored.  I didn’t even notice I needed it until suddenly I feel really GOOD.

Just in conversation.

Isn’t that amazing?  That just in simple conversation I can feel this way?  It floors me.

It’s clearly the way they listen to me, their affinity for me and the depth of their understanding.  Understanding isn’t a given quantity, there can be less of it or more of it.

There are certain people who manufacture understanding in GREAT quantities.  It’s not so much that they bend over backwards to express their understanding, because they don’t.

It has nothing to do with words.  Understanding is invisible to the naked eye.  It’s not something we project.  It’s not something that can be faked.

When it’s real, I immediately perceive it with my spiritual and emotional senses and perceptions.  It affects me physically too because I visibly relax.

Even though it’s invisible, it’s bigger and more real than anything in the physical universe.

And it heals.

There’s so much to say about this subject, isn’t there?

I have a number of people in my life with whom conversations are healing. I talk with them easily and openly.  And I am profoundly grateful to each one of them.

May you have MANY healing conversations along your journey!

Love,

Ingrid

 

Isn’t it interesting that the word mood (a very old word) in its earliest pre-10^th century roots in the Gothic language, originally meant COURAGE?  They were talking about it even back then!  Later, in Old English (as the word mod) it came to mean your heart, spirit, courage, power.

Today the word mood means your state of mind, what you’re feeling at the time, emotional condition.

You can be in a good mood, a bad mood, a joyous, exuberant mood, a depressed or apathetic mood. We have an extremely large range of moods available to us at any given moment, and most of us have experienced the FULL spectrum (for me, sometimes all in one day).

We’re always in SOME kind of mood.

Whatever our mood is, it takes over EVERYTHING, especially our thinking and our doing. Also, it takes over how we get along with others.  When I’m in a lousy mood, I usually want to be left alone.  When I’m in a good mood, I sing, dance, get on the rooftops and shout.

Our mood colors our optimism and how well we do.  At everything really.

Our mood makes people want to be with us. Or not.

So, what does mood have to do with courage? When I read this particular derivation, it really made me pause.

Courage is not the same as confidence.  Confidence is when you have no fear, when you have no doubt.  You are certain.

Courage is different. Courage is the strength and ability to push THROUGH fear or doubt, to not retreat, to manifest your power, your ability, and make a noble thing happen.

I can totally see how courage relates to mood.  Someone with a lot of courage is going to be in a completely different mood than someone with none.

Someone who doesn’t have much courage, is not going to have so many good moods. Someone with a LOT of courage, is going to have WAY more.

One reason is that the person who has courage dictates or controls their mood WITH and BECAUSE OF their courage.  Courage is basically a decision.  This decision dictates your mood.  The mood doesn’t dictate your decision.  Big difference.

I can totally see why mood also meant power in Old English.  The decision to have courage activates your power.

Another reason someone with courage will experience good moods is that with courage, they will achieve victories they would NEVER experience without courage.  Triumph elevates mood like a skyrocket.

And see if this isn’t true.  Think of people you know who are always in a good mood. How much courage do they have? Think of people you know who are always in a bad mood. How much courage do they have?

Courage has a lot to do with character and strength of character too.  What a source of power!

It’s interesting to me to now have the idea that you can ALTER mood dramatically by increasing courage, but it makes sense to me that this would be so.  I can see that if I want to either get myself out of a bad mood or help someone else out of one, increasing courage is a very viable way to go.  It sounds to me much better than a lame pep talk.

I know a lot about increasing courage.  There are many ways to do it.  The 3 I rely on most are being decisive, increasing the ability to confront and increasing skills.  These 3 have never failed me, either with myself or helping others. And I clearly see the cause-and-effect relationship between these three actions, courage and a very upbeat mood.

So, next time you’re in a bad mood, increase your courage, get more brave, and see what happens to your mood.

What I find especially fascinating is that learning the derivation of the word mood gave me a whole NEW look at how to improve mood, mine or someone else’s.  Who wouldn’t want to improve mood?  Courage is a great way how.

Isn’t it amazing that in these derivations lie so many secrets to the universe?

Wishing you great courage and the greatest of moods!

Love, Ingrid

I have a personal code and it’s very important to me.  The codes others use is equally important to me.

A code is any compilation of laws or principles that regulate conduct.

I’ve worked on developing and refining my own personal code for many years now.  It’s been a conscious and deliberate process.  I love that it’s helped me develop character.

How do I treat someone? How do I treat someone I don’t like? How do I handle it when someone does something that’s not right? How do I handle disagreements? Who has the right to have authority over me? Where do I put my energies? Whom do I allow in to the inner sanctum of friendship? Whom do I help? Whom do I leave alone? What does being courteous and polite really mean? What does respect really look like? How do I handle it if someone doesn’t respect me? How do I handle it if I don’t respect them? How much is it okay to talk about others when they’re not there? How much responsibility for the way things are should I take? What are the things that are the most difficult to do? Should I do them? What does being true to myself really mean? What kind of goals should I set? Who should I recruit into my life? How important is money? What does doing a good job really mean? What does honor really mean to me?

As you can see, it’s a long code of principles.

A principle is a higher truth because it’s the truth from which all other truths derive.  When the word principle was first born it meant origin or cause, coming from the Latin word principium which meant a beginning, origin.

The principles you have are the source of all the truths you operate with.  For example, is your principle that people are good?  Or that they’re just out for themselves? Whichever principle you operate with, it will be the source of and generate many other truths for you.

One of my basic principles is the importance of every other person on this planet.  Another is kindness.  Another is the sacred nature of communication.  I believe awareness is king.

The purpose of my personal code is to enable me to live a life that takes me to higher truth, releasing deeper emotional satisfaction, giving more value to others, gaining greater spiritual freedom.  To enable me to not only live in harmony with the 7 billion other people on this planet, but to create rich, meaningful relationships. To enable me to do my part in making this world a better place.  To protect me from injury.  It’s constantly evolving, and I am always looking for ways to refine it up, take it higher.

I love my personal code.  I love when I meet others and I can see, whether spoken or most often unspoken, that they have a personal code they live by.  I don’t know what it is, but it makes me trust them more, want to help them more, want to know them more, want to talk to them more, want to tell them more, want to give them more.

I especially love the derivation of the word code.

It originally came from the Latin word caudex which literally meant tree trunk and then came to mean book made up of wooden tablets covered with wax for writing.

I can imagine myself, if I had lived back then, with a wooden tablet covered in wax and a small, sharp stick, gazing into the sky for inspiration, writing my principles down, discovering and articulating the laws of my life.

May your own code serve you well in your pursuit of life, liberty, happiness and service to others.  I would love to read what yours is all about.

Love,

Ingrid

I recently delivered a workshop to really smart, competent engineers.  During the introductions, 2 of them proudly announced that they were skeptical, meaning they were skeptical about what I was teaching, that it would be any good or useful.

This is not unusual, because what I teach is new, and if you have ever tracked with the history of this world, anything new meets with skepticism.

It truly was with great PRIDE that they used the word skeptical to describe themselves. You’ve probably seen this before yourself and can imagine the moment.

The workshop I was delivering included a segment on understanding the precise meanings of words. This is something most people glibly agree is important, yet very few crack open a good dictionary.

So, good-humoredly I asked each of them if they knew what the word skeptical means. They hesitated and then said it meant they wouldn’t believe it unless I proved it. That if I showed them it worked, they would believe it.

That’s not what skeptical means.

Skeptical means one who doubts and distrusts the truth and reality of any principle or system of principles or doctrines.

A skeptic is one who, even when presented with evidence, doubts and distrusts the truth of it.

A skeptic originally was a member of an ancient Greek school of thought that doubted the possibility of real knowledge, who maintained that you can’t trust your senses, and who therefore doubted everything.

Sound like a fun bunch of people to have around?

That’s where the word came from and it still carries that meaning.

It doesn’t sound to me like something a person should be proud of.

There’s a world of difference between being skeptical and being observant.

Observe means perceiving or seeing what is there with great accuracy.

Intelligent means the ability to draw a correct conclusion from what one sees, plus the ability to use it to solve problems.

So, there’s a WORLD of difference between a skeptical person and one who is observant and intelligent.  These you can be proud of!

Skeptical and observant are mutually exclusive because someone who is skeptical can’t see because they won’t look.  They assume it’s wrong, so they don’t have to look.  And, even if the see it, they don’t REALLY see it.

It took me less than 60 seconds to clear up the definition of these words. But it was amazing the immediate attitude change I saw in both students.

They went from being smug (another great word to define) to being interested, they decided to be observant and intelligent, approached the workshop with open minds and learned a lot.

Isn’t it incredible that learning the precise definitions of words can change attitudes so markedly?  I have been enthralled by this for the last 35 years.  The magic of it.

May you have the pleasure of having very few skeptics and MANY observant, intelligent people in your life!

Love,

Ingrid

 

 

The word psychology came from the Greek words psyche meaning soul and ology meaning knowledge.

Originally psychology meant the study of the soul. Today that sounds religious, but back then it wasn’t.

Noah Webster wrote in his 1828 dictionary what most people even back then considered the soul to be.  He said the soul is:

The spiritual, rational and immortal substance in man, which distinguishes him from brutes; that part of man which enables him to think and reason, and which renders him a subject of moral government. The understanding; the intellectual principle. The eyes of our soul then only begin to see, when our bodily eye are closing.

The soul actually is the person themselves, not their body, but the vital and creative principle that makes them who they are.

In other words, the soul is the part of you and me that is unseen, yet drives everything.

Noah defined psychology as:

The formal study of, discussion, explanation of the human soul, the nature and properties of the soul.

Even the ancient Greeks called Psychology soul healing.

This leads us to the difference between the soul, the mind and the brain.  You can’t see the mind.  You can see the brain.  You can’t see the soul, you can see the body, you can see behavior.

Around 1879, only 50 years after Noah, psychologists decided if they couldn’t see it, they couldn’t study it.  They dropped the soul and focused on the brain and behavior, which is where we are today.

Back in the day, when they were still healing the soul, ancient Italians believed one of the most effective forms of therapy is laughter. They believed if you could make someone laugh, they’d get better.

I rather agree.  If I ever need a psychologist, I would love to have one of those old Italians.  I’ll bet they were really good at making you laugh.

Wishing you much good laughter!  May you be a very happy soul.

Love,

Ingrid

PS  My fabulous cat, Jazz (for photo see earlier blog https://wordpress.com/post/ingridgudenas.com/360) jumped on the keyboard and added to my blog.  He was laughing as he walked across the computer keys, so I’ve included it.  Here’s what he had to say:  p-0;aso=-

We have a tradition at Effective Training Solutions (where I work) that when it’s your birthday, we will take an afternoon off and do whatever you want, no questions asked.

We recently celebrated Betsy’s birthday.  Spent a beautiful Spring afternoon wandering around Temescal Alley in Oakland.   This is a lovely back alley full of little shops owned by people who view what they do as ART.  Artists, not entrepreneurs.  Their work is handcrafted and exquisite.  So is their conversation.

Jewelry, leather vests, vintage store, fabulous herb shop, old fashioned barbershop, incredible ice cream and the most unique bookstore and bookstore owner I have ever encountered.

Last month we went pottery painting in Berkeley for Crystal and Anna’s birthdays and created our own works of art.  So much fun to talk while painting.  Rather a zen state of blissful contentment.  Laughing, letting the conversation wander anywhere it wants to go, admiring each other’s art.

Feeling like kids.  Carefree.  Happy.

Sometimes we just go out for no reason.  Wandering, exploring.  We wandered a block from the office into Emeryville City Hall where they have a beautiful glass rainbow of colors in the lobby. 

 

I work with really happy people and these outings are joyous celebrations.  We really enjoy being with each other, hanging out, exploring, creating, playing, laughing, telling stories.

It almost doesn’t matter what we do.

I love when magical moments all run into each other to create a magical life.

May you work with people you love who lift up your heart and help connect you to the meaning of life.

Love,

Ingrid

Yesterday I was driving over the Bay Bridge to The City (what we all call San Francisco).  Beautiful day.  I was in the right lane.  Traffic was moving really well at about 55 miles an hour.  However, my lane started doing 15.  Traffic backed up fast.

So, I moved into the lane next to it and, as I started to move faster, I saw why it had slowed.

There was a car with 2 people.  There was nothing wrong with their car.

It must have been their 1^st time crossing the bridge.

They were barely moving, both looking out the right window, craning their necks in awestruck wonder.  They were gawking at the sight of the day, The City skyline, the islands in the Bay, the water sparkling with little lights, the blue sky, the audacious Golden Gate Bridge.

I could see they couldn’t believe the view, wanted to capture every little morsel of it, didn’t want it to end, stretching the moment out, making it last as long as possible.  Oblivious to everyone behind them.

I so enjoyed seeing their pleasure, I felt delight and started laughing.  I totally know the moment they were having because it’s the same one I had when I first moved here, and STILL feel.  It never gets old.

When I left Philadelphia in a little blue 2-seater convertible (British MGB), I drove around the country with the top down for 3 months, looking for where I wanted to live. There were a number of places that captured my heart.

But there was a moment, when I was coming around the corner on a ridge of the San Mateo mountain road called Skyline, when I turned a corner and there was San Francisco and the Bay, far below, twinkling like diamonds in the sunshine.  After 3 months of driving, I knew.

I love living in a place where the view is enough to stop you in your tracks.

I hope those 2 tourists are enjoying every moment here, that they find many reasons to leave their hearts in San Francisco and to come back to reclaim them.

And wishing you too incredible beauty in your surroundings and in every aspect of your life.

Love,

Ingrid

April is Jazz Appreciation Month and April 30^th is International Jazz Day.  I plan to celebrate.  Many great jazz musicians have enriched my life emotionally and spiritually.

It takes great courage to be a Jazz musician.  It’s a decision to take an uncharted, unscripted course every day of your life.  To live a life of constant improvisation.  To forsake financial security for the pursuit of unique personal expression.

What’s beautiful to me about Jazz is that it’s a perfect combination of solo’s and collaboration.  It’s the incredible, impossible magic of negotiating individuality while cooperatively creating magic with other equally individualistic artists.  Not ever knowing what the other players are going to do because all are improvising, taking turns stepping into the spotlight with a unique solo and stepping back to play beautifully supporting roles for a new solo.

It’s such a metaphor for life.

One of my favorites, Wynton Marsalis, wrote:

“The foundation of both jazz and democracy is dialogue, learning to negotiate your own agenda within the group’s agenda.  Jazz is like a good conversation.  You have to listen to what others have to say if you’re going to make an intelligent contribution.”

And you see it in action clearly in these YouTube videos.  Watch how they step back and showcase each other, how they appreciate and support each other’s solo’s, how they are united yet utterly, uniquely individual:

• The greats Al Hirt and Pete Fountain sharing a finale at Wolf Trap in 1979: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfHamzQ4yq4
• Chris Brubeck with his Jazz legend father, Dave Brubeck:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7JefQeQ84I
• Louis Armstrong and the All Stars:    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7JHkAEh8Ds

Wishing you many great solo’s and many great people to play with in the Jazz of your life!

Love,

Ingrid